Bam it all, anyway!

Hey, I read here where this guy wrote his campaign speech. Can anyone do that? 'Cause I'm running for school board and I can't afford to advertise. My name is "Bam" Boozler and I'm running here in Broken Nose, West Virginia. My real first name is Dewey but they've been calling me "Bam" all my life. I'm running for school board 'cause those sum-bitches kicked my baby girl, Lemon Drop Boozler, outa school and my cousin Grits (short for Gritzen Gravy Boozler) said the only way I was gettin' her back in school was to run the dang thing. Shucks, she didn't really do nothing wrong. They caught her smoking one of those left-handed cigarettes in the girl's john. She didn't buy it from some drug dealer. She picked it out of our garden! I know she drives to school but they have no call kickin' a fifth grader out of school.

I've been to them school board meetings. Should be called school bored! Ain't nothin' but a bunch of eggheads whinin' about their dumb students. I went when my boy, Bam-Bam Boozler, got kicked out for having "Skool Sucks" tattooed on his knuckles. If he would've had six fingers on his left hand, he would've spelled it right. Personally, I liked it. Before we got there, I used a Bic pen to change sucks to socks and they sorried us for making a big stink out of nothin' and little Bam-Bam was back in Junior High.

So, all you folks from Broken Nose, vote for me and not for that egghead I'm running against. You know that me and the rest of the Boozlers are normal people. I played on the Splints football team like the rest of you. Heck, I even played on the JV team, the Bandaids.

I ain't heard of globs or blogs or whatever before cousin Grits told me about this one. When I asked him how he found it, he said he goobled "dumb ass" and found it, whatever that means. I read some of those entries. That bozo ain't bad. He could be mayor of Broken Nose with that speech!