America's saviors? Barack and Max!

The other day, Barack Obama became the 44th President of the United States. Like millions of others, I was inspired by the events of the day and by the President's words. I decided right there I will change my ways. He said that we all must work together to get through these rough times. I've seen the light! I'll step up to the plate. I'll ring the brass bell. I'll fart at the campfire! To prove that I'm committed to the arduous task of helping drag America back from the abyss, I'm committing myself to the following from this day on:

-I will quit remarking how stupid the President is.
-I will quit referring to the Vice President as a pit bull with chapped lips.
-I will condemn torture of our enemies and reserve it for people who kill children.
-I will welcome back the writ of Habeas Corpus to our legal system.
-No more "Chicken Hawk" cracks.
-No more whining about how the White House is sublet to the oil companies.
-No more cracks about the new Presidential Library stocking only comic books.

There! See! I can take the tough stands and do what it takes to help America! If more of you follow my lead, then the light we see at the end of the tunnel will not be an approaching train!